the probable answer

The Probable Answer
by Richard King Perkins II

Here he is,
hopping around the room in a soiled hospital gown
telling me he’s got far more serious problems
than the diagnoses listed in his chart.

It’s not the schizophrenia that he’s worried about
nor the coprophilia,
he’s just trying to prove that the university
didn’t give him due process when they let him go
after they found him intentionally clogging toilets
so he could more easily collect specimens.

Though it’s been difficult, he thinks he’s finally
figured out a way to show the deans and chancellors
how his study of recent human coprolites
directly relates to teaching classical literature.

On a spreadsheet filled with graphs and cryptograms,
hangman puzzles and anagrams,
are the lyrics from the Go-Go’s song “Head over Heels “

and the line
I must be losin’ it, ‘cause my mind plays tricks on me
is circled so severely that the paper has torn through.

He lets me study his work for a while and then
eagerly asks what I think of his solution.
I point out the line
…no time to think, looks like the whole world’s outta synch.

He nods slowly, solemnly, then produces a pen he’s had
concealed somewhere on his person
and begins a furious restructuring of multiple theories.

I turn to leave. He asks if I’m leaving
because I have to use the bathroom.
He tells me his toilet is broken
but it’s fine if I have the urge to go.

Silverfish lie exposed. The entire planet has shifted
out of alignment one foot
to the left.