How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?
We have been married almost nine years but have been friends for about twenty years. About a year or so ago he started talking over me, interrupting me and really never letting me talk.
I am on disability, the only person in a house of five with any income, and raising three of my grandsons because my daughter, their mother, is in prison for life. The three boys are teenagers and a hand-full. My mental disability is hard enough to live with plus the responsibilities of teenagers but add a husband that tells me I am selfish because I won’t give him most of my medicine but mostly because I am so closed-up inside and angry at him that I just can no longer have sex with him, then add the fact that I have no one to talk to about this, my life is a total disaster.
He is really a very good person, generous and kind to a fault but to me he gets mad and starts accusing me of making him selling his most favorite things even though I have tried to tell him he doesn't need to do that. In the end, every decision he makes comes back to my fault. My fault he sold his big red mudding truck, Harley, some guns, tools and other things. The truth is he needs money for pills because when he does sell something I rarely see more than a small amount of the money.
The other day he came back from a friend’s house and started ranting at me about how he finally figured it all out, "Every woman is a user including you. I figured it all out!”, Louder now and pounding his foot on the floor, "You have never loved me! You have always been selfish!"
He was talking about sex because since all of this started I have wanted sex less and less. I have been sleeping on the couch for over a year now and only give him sex when I just have no other choice and must shut him up but it is never enough. Since the last screaming episode, I have stopped talking to him except when absolutely necessary. Not as a punishment or to make a point but because no matter what I try to say in response or otherwise, he interrupts me, changes my words around and calls me names.
Going to my therapist will not help, if that is your answer. Therapist never answer any questions they just listen, nod their heads and tell me my feelings are natural, normal and expected. They may give a passive and obvious suggestion from time to time but no one gets the entire scope of it all. My daughter is a therapist but I cannot talk to her because I am family plus she has her own problems and an over-filled life. I wish I could talk to her most of all because I have no one. My parents are dead but even if they were alive I know what their answer would be because I have heard it many times, "You made your bed now you have to lie in it."
Is that the way it has to be? Do I have to just lay in the bed I made?
Signed,
Need some one to love me.
We have been married almost nine years but have been friends for about twenty years. About a year or so ago he started talking over me, interrupting me and really never letting me talk.
I am on disability, the only person in a house of five with any income, and raising three of my grandsons because my daughter, their mother, is in prison for life. The three boys are teenagers and a hand-full. My mental disability is hard enough to live with plus the responsibilities of teenagers but add a husband that tells me I am selfish because I won’t give him most of my medicine but mostly because I am so closed-up inside and angry at him that I just can no longer have sex with him, then add the fact that I have no one to talk to about this, my life is a total disaster.
He is really a very good person, generous and kind to a fault but to me he gets mad and starts accusing me of making him selling his most favorite things even though I have tried to tell him he doesn't need to do that. In the end, every decision he makes comes back to my fault. My fault he sold his big red mudding truck, Harley, some guns, tools and other things. The truth is he needs money for pills because when he does sell something I rarely see more than a small amount of the money.
The other day he came back from a friend’s house and started ranting at me about how he finally figured it all out, "Every woman is a user including you. I figured it all out!”, Louder now and pounding his foot on the floor, "You have never loved me! You have always been selfish!"
He was talking about sex because since all of this started I have wanted sex less and less. I have been sleeping on the couch for over a year now and only give him sex when I just have no other choice and must shut him up but it is never enough. Since the last screaming episode, I have stopped talking to him except when absolutely necessary. Not as a punishment or to make a point but because no matter what I try to say in response or otherwise, he interrupts me, changes my words around and calls me names.
Going to my therapist will not help, if that is your answer. Therapist never answer any questions they just listen, nod their heads and tell me my feelings are natural, normal and expected. They may give a passive and obvious suggestion from time to time but no one gets the entire scope of it all. My daughter is a therapist but I cannot talk to her because I am family plus she has her own problems and an over-filled life. I wish I could talk to her most of all because I have no one. My parents are dead but even if they were alive I know what their answer would be because I have heard it many times, "You made your bed now you have to lie in it."
Is that the way it has to be? Do I have to just lay in the bed I made?
Signed,
Need some one to love me.
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