By Reagan Greenwood
Alright, don’t panic. You’re going to be fine. I’ll help you through it. Now, the demon child has behaved all week, but it is only an amount of time before it all falls apart. Get him some candy or cookies. Brownies! Brownies don’t take very long. Give him brownies.
First, take that glass pan and – careful! What is wrong with you? Are you trying to wake him up? – carefully hold it out in front of you. You’re going to want to spray a thin, but even, layer of cooking spray across the bottom as well as the sides. If you don’t, then you’re going to have brownies crusties stuck to the pan and you will never have time to clean it properly. Have you preset the oven yet? No? What are you doing? Preset the freaking over at 375 degrees.
Now, while you’re waiting for the oven to heat up, take that box filled with the premade mixture. Pour all of it – yes all of it --, some milk, and two cracked eggs into a bowl. Mix them together until it hits the right consistency. Mix them fast. Faster. Damn it, faster! Before the demon wakes up from his nap. Oh, good. You’re done. Fabulous.
Next, you’re going to want to pour that delicious batter in the pan. Try to make sure it’s even all the way across. You know how the demon gets when someone gets a bigger piece than him. It’s better to not even risk it. Now, finally toss that pan into the oven and let them bake for, oh, 10 minutes or so. Remember that the demon likes them a little gooey, but not too gooey.
Hold on, that’s incorrect. It’s 45 minutes. Wait, 45 minutes? What are you going to do for 45 minutes? His naps last 30 if you’re lucky. Is there something else you could make? A smoothie? No. The blender would wake him up. You could run to the store and just buy some cookies. But then you would have to wake him to take him with you. Better not do that. That would be disastrous.
Sorry, Mom, guess you better open that bottle of wine. You’re gonna need as much help as you can get. Remember that the demon likes them a little gooey, but not too gooey.
Edited by Emily Chance