I was asked to write a description of my family. (Don’t ask why). I knew we were all a little weird, but it wasn’t until I actually put words to paper that I realized the extent of our weirdness. Meet my family:
MY MOM: She used to make up secret codes when I was a kid, so that if I was ever kidnapped and the kidnapper let me write a letter, I would be able to hide her a message within a seemingly innocuous letter, helping her find me. She is really into hauntings, Tarot cards, really anything supernatural. She taught herself how to make pottery from clay she dug up from the ground, and how to tan animal hides and snake skins to make things like motorcycle seats out of them. I once bought her a pair of earrings made from Moose poop and neither one of us thought that was a strange gift.
HUSBAND: He loves cigars and bourbon and old movies, especially British films. He also likes anything Medieval or Renaissance. He collects books that he never reads, because he likes the way the house looks filled with books on a shelf. I’ve never actually seen him read a book at all, but he listens to audiobooks. It's not unusual for him to have a bright purple Mohawk, earrings, and painted toenails. He is really into boxing. He’s going to be mad at me for telling everyone that he doesn’t actually read the books he collects, and will argue that he does read them (audiotapes), and I will argue back that listening isn’t reading. We will have to continue to agree to disagree on this matter.
OLDEST SON: He wears a fedora and chose an old-fashioned, hipster looking bicycle as his mode of transportation at age 16, instead of a car. His favorite card game is Pokemon, and he can always be found in his room playing some type of RPG on the computer, drinking lots of Mountain Dew. He is so quiet that I can be in the same house with him and not even realize he is here.
DAUGHTER: She is a writer, and has been called into the school office twice because teachers saw and were bothered by something she wrote. She has a true artist’s soul, and like many creative people, she has a tendency to see things differently from her peers, which sometimes frustrates her, but it has made her stronger. Last Christmas I gave her a large roll of bubble wrap for a present, and it was her favorite gift. She is extremely messy and has a tendency to write all over everything with dry erase markers.
YOUNGEST SON: He is really into reptiles and exotic animals. He has a turtle, Chinese Water Dragon, Crested Gecko, and he loves to garden and fish. He decided to teach himself how to fry an egg yesterday. Although he doesn't eat eggs, he thought it would be a fun thing to do. He likes doing science experiments, especially if they are something gross or explosive (preferably both). He takes his turtle for walks, and stores worms in our refrigerator as food for his pets.