By Emily Chance
I feel like my life is both falling apart and falling together all at once.
I met an incredible guy, but neither one is sure of where we stand. And we both work essential jobs with conflicting schedules, so we can’t hang out anymore. It’s hard to allow yourself to fall in love when you’re used to being guarded.
This year was the year of illness. Not just Covid-19; turns out, I have an autoimmune disease. Not just one, but two potential diseases, fighting over which one should overtake my system. Cancer has taken over people I love. Lung failure has caused heartbreak in a family close to mine. This is the year of loss. Losing of family members, friends, sanity.
This is the year which I feel has included decades worth of happenings: a pandemic, wild fires, riots, suffrage (or at least, fighting for the right to vote in public), the reemergence of the dust bowl, change shortages – don’t get me started about recent happenings. I can rant about the “coin shortage” for hours.
This is the year of division. Riots vs. Peace, Republican vs. Democrat.
But the thing is…I’m tired of division. I’m tired of illness and pain. Aren’t communities and countries supposed to band together for the good of people in order to make a change? A good change in the world? Everyone that I talk to is tired of bullsh*t. If everyone, or especially world leaders, were to take a sabbatical, chillax, have a cocktail or two, maybe even blaze up a joint, if that’s their thing, I almost feel like everyone would be able to tolerate each other a little bit more.
Because 2020 is also the year of reconnecting. I’ve talked to people I haven’t talked to in years. I’ve reconnected friendships we all thought were severed forever. Reconciled with friends. This is also the year I’m getting my life together. I have loans I’ll be able to pay off at the middle of next year. At this point, I’ll hopefully be approved for a home loan. I can finally start my life’s journey.
This is the year of change. For the first time, I’ve gotten my hair professionally dyed. I’ve been fixing anxiety issues and battling depression. I’ve been having new experiences with friends I reconnected with, and I’m finally at a point where I can begin to love myself.
I want 2020 to be known as the year everyone shuts up for 30 seconds, looks around, puts on the shoes of another individual, and realize that it doesn’t matter what you look like, who you know, or what you’re known for, we can peacefully fix whatever is broken.
I’m tired of falling apart. I’m ready to fall back together again.
Edited by Andie Smiley